What makes it hard is also what makes it worthwhile

My son has a new game called shoe store, which primarily involves trying on all the shoes in my closet and stomping down the hallway with his sister, always quick to catch on, right behind him. Paradoxically, this game also involves dumping every single article of clothing in my closet on the floor, which is why I am not too fond of it. Especially when I've already spent half an hour cleaning up from an earlier game.

Lately I feel like I'm always one step behind. Every time I'm invited to the park or the pool or a birthday party, I spend more time trying to keep track of the kids than talking with friends. At the wading pool today, for example, I was so preoccupied with trying to keep my daughter from drowning while also chasing my son to the other end of the pool that I didn't have much time to visit with the two women I was with -- who each have only one child, I might add.

I came home quite tired, but still happy to be spending a beautiful summer day outside in the water, pretty much where I'd prefer to be all the time. Especially because I'll be stuck in an office the rest of the week.

But as exhausting, as emotionally challenging, as absolutely frazzling as caring for two children can be at times, it's what is hard that makes it worthwhile.

If I didn't have to bust my butt so often picking up after the kids, for example, I wonder if I would so readily cheer to see them master the use of a fork or to clean up toys unasked. If I didn't have to do 10 tons of laundry a week, I wonder if I would be so genuinely touched to be presented with a perfectly folded hand towel courtesy of my 3-year-old son. If I didn't have to hear my daughter cry for her mama every night at bedtime, I wonder if I would feel such mixture of relief and regret to watch her quietly drift to sleep on her own.

It just makes me wonder about all those celebrities with their cherished tots and doting nannies -- do they realize at the end of the day that it's all the hard work that makes it so worth it?

Or in other words, the harder the challenges, the happier I am to see the successes, no matter how small, in my own family.

A mother's shoes are tough to fill, but I do the best I can. I see the rewards in front of me every day.

Dinner madness

At my house, the hour before dinner goes something like this: I trip over toys while trying to dump pasta into boiling water while my screaming daughter clings to my leg and my son tries to jab her with a fondue fork.

If my husband gets home from work on time, he distracts the kids while I attempt to put food on the table. If he's late, more screaming ensues and I stuff bread into the kids' mouths to make it stop. Then, while I'm changing a poopy diaper and trying to keep my son from smearing my new lipstick on the bathroom carpet, I inevitably overcook the pasta and burn the main course.

Eventually we all get fed, but I wonder sometimes: What is it about the end of the day that makes kids just fall apart? Tiredness? Hunger? Wanting mama?

On the days I work, putting dinner together is even tougher, as I often don't get home until 5:30 and my kids wanted dinner a half hour ago.

Fortunately, I've found some shortcuts to help us survive. Month of Meals is one of my favorites -- for a reasonable price, I get 12 chef-prepared meals I can heat up in minutes at home. "MOM" uses all natural meats, and you can even buy side dishes and desserts. The portions are generous and the meals delicious. They even deliver.

Pioneer Organics also helps keep my family fed. I order fresh fruits and veggies, delivered weekly to my door. They even offer grocery staples such as milk, eggs, bread and much more -- a life saver for a working mama who never quite knows when she'll be able to make it to the store. Their Web site is easy to use, and I can customize my order, suspend deliveries if I'm going on vacation and leave feedback with ease.

For those times I just don't feel like cooking, I turn to Dinner Delivery Plus for a meal from one of my favorite local restaurants, from Italian to Indian to Thai.

Apparently I'm not the only one who "outsources" dinner -- there are a number of meal assembly kitchens in the Seattle area.

It's a small price to pay for a little sanity.

I love naps!!!

Today was my day with the kids, and a small miracle happened -- both of them napped at the same time!

I can count on one hand the number of times that has happened. Right around the time his sister was born, my son decided to give up naps. I could occasionally coax him into slumber by packing him in the car and driving around the block, but then his sister would wake up as soon as I stopped the car.

Yes, it's been an exhausting year.

Anyways, not only did they both nap today, but they slept for 2 1/2 hours! My mind raced with the possibilities of the things I could do -- re-seed the lawn, check my e-mail, mop the kitchen floor.

But then I reminded myself that I just got over tending to two sick kids, and I was feeling a bit under the weather myself.

So I climbed under the covers in my bed, read for about an hour, then I took a nap, too.

I even woke up before the kids -- and still had time to fold all the laundry.

I feel like a new woman.

I'm the kind of person who needs quiet to rejuvenate, and I realized today how rarely I get any.

Hmm, maybe I'll have to persuade the kids to do this every day.

A working mama's dilemma

Yesterday my son woke up and was still feverish and complaining of ear pain. And thus the dilemma -- should I go to work or stay home?

Here's the problem: It was my first day on a new gig, and I was filling in for a guy on vacation, so I couldn't exactly call him to say I wouldn't be in. And since I now work for myself, if I don't work, I don't get paid.

So what'd I do? I went to work, knowing I'd be home by 1 p.m. I trusted the kids would be in good hands with dad and grandma for a couple of hours.

That afternoon, I took the clan to the doctor's office. Turns out A. had an ear infection, so they prescribed antibiotics, and now he's in a much happier mood.

And we have to see the pediatrician AGAIN tomorrow, this time for L's 15-month checkup. Which is good, because she might have an ear infection, too.

Fortunately, tomorrow I'm scheduled for another half-day shift, so I'll get home just in time to load the kids in the car for the appointment.

I'm just relieved my schedule is flexible -- and that I can be there for the important things.

Deadlines and doctor's visits

Tonight I had to take my son to the doctor's office. A few days ago, he had a high fever and vomiting, then he got better. Then the last two days he's developed a low-grade fever and a cough, and tonight he was complaining about ear pain and a headache. His ear was hurting him so much he couldn't sleep, so I packed him into the car, pajamas and all, and headed to the after-hours clinic.

The diagnosis? Fluid behind the ears. The pediatrician gave him some ear drops and Tylenol, and after that he felt much better.

These are the kind of little emergencies I try to build into my work schedule. For example, I have a story due tomorrow, but I mostly finished it yesterday so I wouldn't have to stay up late tonight. I've gotten better about not procrastinating because if there's one thing I've learned as a mom, it's that if I wait until the last-minute to finish a project, inevitably someone in my house will get sick.

Score one for a working mama this round. As for next time, we'll see if I'm as lucky.

In print -- and in the money

Two things happened in the last couple of weeks:

One, I finally got my first check for my freelance business. (It takes FOREVER to get paid!) Now I can go to the bank and open my business checking account.

Second, my first product testing article appeared in The Seattle Times. They billed me as a "busy working mother of two."

It's nice that I can make this motherhood gig pay somehow.

Back from vacation

Here's a list of things this working mama had to do upon returning from vacation:

Unpack the car.
Do five tons of laundry.
Pick up dogs from kennel.
Write down list of items to bring next time I go on vacation.
Finish cleaning the house I didn't finish cleaning last week.
Defrost something for dinner the next day.
Make a trip to the grocery store.
Answer work e-mails.

So what did I do last night? Sat down on the couch for five minutes and fell asleep for two hours.

Thankfully, the best husband in the world tackled most of the laundry.